member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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