Someone shit on the floor
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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