I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The air was thick with penises
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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