i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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