I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
