he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
