I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
