We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
