sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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