he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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