I wanna passion pit in your ass
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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