god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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