she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
