I CAN MOONWALK!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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