she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
