please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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