At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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