it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
