It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
