You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
