he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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