I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
