Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
