I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
