Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
