this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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