very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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