Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Randomize
