You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
