If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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