A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
