I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
