yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
