hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
