I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
