there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
