First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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