We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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