My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
