Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
