somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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