dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
