She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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