I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
