Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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