I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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