i would punch a child for taco bell
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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