God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
