Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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