Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
