i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
